I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
