he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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