maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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