bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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