We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
