ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize