My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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