DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
