Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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