True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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