wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
