he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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