normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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