and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
