I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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