i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
