Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
