and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
