ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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