I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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