she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
