wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I could make wine with my vomit
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
