Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
