Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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