I got chris browned last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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