I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize