I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
