we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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