hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
