Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
