I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
is wine microwaveable?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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