So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
PANTIES FOUND
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