Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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