I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
