I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
