What did we do last night that was yellow?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
