I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
