some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
