Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
