She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
