and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize