i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
