First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
