but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
