why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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