My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
