is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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