Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize