he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this will be a night to untag.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
