We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
