I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
