you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize