Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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