If i come over, it means nothing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
