Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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