It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
