Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
