Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
