I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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