hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
