oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
