Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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