just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize