Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
