i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
