you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
