i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
