Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
