How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize