So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
