You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
