Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
40s are totally the cure
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
