I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize