I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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