So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
