Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
