Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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