How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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