:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
