sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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