There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
