@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
