my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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