FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
