i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
