ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
