i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
