I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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