He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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