I heard we made out
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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