I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
