I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
