Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
