I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
