She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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