we're blogging at a bar
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize