Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
