Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
