just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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