I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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