thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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