If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
