there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize