If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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