he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Randomize
