The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
