my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
