He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
