Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize