remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Randomize
