watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
