I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he thought i was a dude.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
